Joe Makes A Post!

Alas, by popular demand, our very own JOE STATOM has made a blog post concerning our evening in Wellington:

    The dutch are funny. Funnier than the Brits. And more comprehensible than the Scotts. That's one thing I've learned here in Nu Zillund. Amazingly, we are rooming again with The Flying Dutchman. (Our roommate from Raglan. Everybody has these Lonely Planet books!) So the night starts off with the Dutchman (aka Patrick) cooking us a mean pasta for four. We eat, play cards, drink, and learn some stupid Dutch tricks. Then our crew heads out for the night. (In retrospect, way too many dudes)
    We go to the same bar as last night. This time there's a boxing match on TV so it's way more crowded. We buy a couple pitchers when suddenly these two weirdos sit at the same table as us. One was strangely drunk. The other never spoke and looked straight out of the movie Deliverance. The drunk guy starts trying to talk to me and asks me where I'm from. I tell him and he says, "Yeah I know SLO. I f@cked the mayor of SLO's daughter at a Steely Dan Concert at the Mid State Fair." I thought that would be the quote of the night.
    I talk to this guy in order to try and seem nice, but his questions/answers just start becoming louder and more incomprehensible. He offers me a sip of his mixed drink. I'm scared that it's ruffied but more scared of pissing him off, so I take a tiny sip. Finally he tells me to come outside to talk. I say that we're about to leave, but he tells me again to come outside. I tell him that I'm just gonna grab another beer at the bar and then meet him there. Then we get the hell outta there. That guy was really creeping me out. I didn't want the toothless guy to make me "squeal like a pig".
    So we go to the Irish bar next door. But as soon as we get in, we see a room full of "little people" dancing to a live band playing Guns N' Roses. This isn't exactly our scene, so we start heading out the door. All of the sudden, these two girls walk in and one sticks her tongue out at Vince. We had to investigate. Vince starts talking with one and she is just amazed that he is from California. She would keep introducing him to friends saying, "This is Vince, he's from California." I've never said, "Wait. I'm from California too!" so many times in my life.
    "Oooh my Gaawd, California?? Are you from the OC? Do you know Lauren Conrad?!!!" We gotta lot of that during the night. Also, we were in High School Musical with Zach Effron. Take one word away from that sentence and it's true…. We eventually get the real quote of the night from these girls. It pertains to how our accents make them feel, but it's a little too PG-13 for this audience. Vince decides to buy them drinks after calling me a cheap bastard for not buying them. However, as I suspected, they only stay as long as their vodka and red bulls are full. So they run off after finishing their drinks. It's a good way to get free alcohol I guess. We rebound with 60 cent ice cream cones at McDonalds (the only thing cheap in NZ) and pass out.