"-as" is the kiwi equivalent of "hella". If something is sweet, you say it's sweet. If something is hella sweet, it's sweet-as. If a whale were beached far up on the shore, he would say, "I'm beached-as, bru."
Instead of ketchup, NZ serves "tomato sauce". It's like ketchup, only sweeter and a little bit spicier. However, NZers are brain-washed into thinking that "tomato sauce" is so good that it should be put in every kind of canned food. This includes canned spaghetti and (most importantly) canned beans. As a mass-consumer of beans, this leaves me unsettled. I mean, it's really hard to ruin a bean sandwich. It's the tastiest of all scrapper meals, with the added nutritional benefit of combining your daily serving of bean with your daily serving of sandwich. However, these sheep-shaggers are making a mockery of the fine American Institution of Bean Sandwiches by tainting them with this "tomato sauce"!
All the local Maori (indigenous NZers) males have mullets and it actually looks kinda cool.
The Lonely Planet book is amazing. Every once in a while I hear Vince in a conversation saying something like, "Oh yeah, but the things I've liked the best are the things not in the guide book. You know, off the map." Or something like that. But he's full of crap because I literally can't think of one thing we've done that wasn't in that book, unless it was sleeping in our hatchback in the middle of nowhere. But really, those Lonely Planet books are awesome. Thanks Danielle!
The Lakers just lost to the Cavs. Is Lebron still on the team?
People from other countries make fun of football. And it's not just because you hardly use your foot in a sport with the word foot in it. No, foreigners make fun of football because they think it's for pansies! They make fun of it's lack of toughness as compared to rugby. They prance around, squealing in a high-pitched voice, "Look at me, I'm playing American Football in my cute pads!" Saying football's isn't tough is like saying Marmiduke from Carpoolers isn't the greatest TV character of all time. I was so astonished that I just froze up the first time I heard it. I was too shell-shocked to even think of a comeback. In fact, we watched the super bowl at noon on a monday at a pizza place with hardly anybody in all of Auckland caring. Plus they didn't even play the real super bowl commercials.
Let's say you're at a bar and at some point in the night you ask the bartender, "Hey man, I need some advice. Do you think I should ?" It doesn't matter what is filled in that blank. Listen to bartenders. They are trained to give out life lessons. It the bartender tells you no, then don't' do it. Trust me.
It's a proven scientific fact that Bagface needs to be incorporated into every game of king's cup. But I'm going to go a step further and say that Bagface need to be incorporated into every facet of life possible. Any group of friends needs to create some competition where the loser has to where a bag over his face until a new loser is crowned. The person with this bag on their face must be referred to only as Bagface and must start every sentence with "Bagface say". I'm calling out bros everywhere to replace "Icing" with Bagface. It'll make the world a better place.
Well, soon Vince and I will part again and I'll be on my own for a few weeks. I'll probably rent a car and drive around the bottom of the south island looking for waves. After that I plan to realize my life long dream of becoming a sheep-shearer. I recently asked two local artists for their depictions of me in one month's time. Here's what they came up with. Sweet-as!
Dude what the fuck did you ask the bartender to do?
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